Laden in Red

Platypus-transparentAhhhh… I have the red shirt on as I write this, the demise of which has been urged by 50% of the harem since prior to the Remake experience. I am wearing it with new jeans, however, so I am not a complete affront to Kat’s teachings, still I feel somewhat naughty. She’s like, “Why don’t you wear the good stuff all the time?” and I’m like, “So it will last longer for when I inflict myself upon Other People.”

This is a reason why clothing has to be livable for me: I don’t think about it. If I get the not infrequent urge to make bread, I guarantee you I’ll be wearing black and I won’t consider that until the point where flour assures I am wearing grey. Yeah, I have a chef’s jacket. It’s black. Go figure. I was forever ruining dress shirts at work by jumping in to equipment repairs without putting a lab coat on first. Greasy pole in the neighbourhood? I’ll lean against it wearing a suit or a new jacket. Guaranteed.

Kathryn asked me if I’d ever wear the old relaxed fit jeans again and was surprised when I said yes. I have to preserve the good stuff. Put it down to lack of awearness.

P.S. Dating Site Status: Among those stating an interest, the average age has dropped to 46.75. Let’s see how close to my mental age (13) this gets.

Make Twitter work for me, or convince me it’s a hoax – @shpak60

Relaxed. My Ass.


  1. Go to Blue Chain Store
  2. Stand in front of Wall O’ Jeans
  3. Pretend to Read signs
  4. Look for cheapest price
  5. Fail to find appropriate size
  6. Look for next cheapest price
  7. Decide the word “Relaxed” is good
  8. Think about relaxing
  9. Realize you’re not
  10. Grab a pair of relaxed fit in correct(ish) size
  11. Try them on
  12. If they don’t hurt, buy them
  13. Get the hell out
  14. Wear ugly jeans until they disintegrate
  15. Repeat

And here’s what happens:



1. Shut up and put on the pants that Kathryn hands you

The result:


There was another pair of jeans. Even nicer than the ones pictured. So nice, in fact, that Kathryn could not hold the camera steady as she was incredibly moved by the glory of denim-clad Man-butt as well as her genius for discovering the right venue for showcasing. Needless to say, I have not taken those jeans off since Thursday.

The jeans are but (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) the beginning of the journey, not the end (HAHAHAH… oh forget it). It was odd, having my behind the subject of intense inspection. I understand, it’s a well-formed and shapely ass for a man of 50 (although not perfect – there’s a suspected issue with the right piriformis), well-worked as it is, hauling the rest of me from place to place. And really, in the grand scheme, improving my jean pool was probably the least significant of Kathryn’s accomplishments.

I’ll be back. With more pictures.