No Biz Like Show Biz

It’s one of those days that I’m not sure what I want to bore you with. There’s still a bit of Holiday Hangover going on, coupled with a hint of excitement about the World Junior Hockey Championship game tonight, Canada vs. Russia. The sun is out, a winter day that doesn’t require running away (though I am accepting offers if you need a valet and are heading south).

No, me, I have it backwards. I’m aiming at Timmins next week. FR040806Not vacationing, but working, I haven’t totally lost it, despite popular opinion. There’s also a chance to visit with some family and renew old acquaintances. In a past life I was a road musician, a pocket rock god playing what we called the Arctic Circle Tour. Only in Canada can that joke fall flat, because there actually IS an Arctic Circle tour and it’s a thousand miles north of anywhere we were. Scale… man, that’s everything sometimes.

This trip has some unique challenges. First of all, I’m subbing for a country band. I haven’t played much country the last couple years so I have a pretty steep learning curve here, getting tunes together. Cheat sheets are a must, because challenge number two is: no rehearsals. Not only that, I won’t even meet the guitarist until we’re a couple hours into the trip. I’ll hit the stage without sharing a note with this configuration of the band.

Challenge #3 will be existing for the other 20 hours a day, as it always is on the road. Scouting report on the bar we’re playing is that the rooms are typical road accommodations, that is, Pretty Scuzzy. A sleeping bag of known origin will be packed. Which brings Challenge #4: Packing.

20467_1333306139444_1434755936_30927322_3215422_nThe usual foibles of a weekend trip are all in place, what to wear, how to pack it, toiletries etc. but with a couple of unique spins. First of all there may or may not be bathing facilities on the floor of rooms we will occupy. If we’re lucky there will be running water in each room. If we’re REALLY lucky, there will be hot water too. Let’s pack a hat in case Bad Hair Days are the norm.

Further complicating things is the detritus that a band needs, in this case a couple amps, a couple guitar cases, whatever drums we can cram and three of us in an ironically named Honda Fit. Suffice to say this is not the roomiest of the Honda line. At least it’s four wheels and not two. Rumour has it the guitarist has a bigger vehicle which we will switch over to on the way.

Of course the lure of the stage is enough to imbue some optimism, at least on the inward trek. On the homeward side that optimism is gone. The task is over. With soap and hot water willing we won’t smell like the elephant trailer of a departing circus. That reminds me of a joke: Avram had been with the circus for 30 years, faithfully spending his days scooping up elephant shit. Time had passed for any sane person to retire, yet still Avram followed the elephants, day in and out. His family implored him, Avram, why do you retire? Rest. You’ve had a good life, you don’t need to work.

Avram said, “What? And quit Show Biz?”

Rolling Lint

July 10 2010 021There are certain responsibilities I’m acquiring in the pursuit to become a Remade Man. Having determined that I look younger, slimmer, taller, smarter, less obnoxious, more mature and much less likely to go postal when confronted with a floor to ceiling display of men’s jeans all by the virtue of wearing black, there is a maintenance phase that I must now enter into.

If it’s cool with you, I think I will forego hand washing my black clothes in Woolite Dark because I like to keep things simple. Owning multiple laundry detergents runs counter to this concept. Yes, true, I use separate soaps for body and hair, but not always, and partially it’s a shopping thing, as I’d go through an all-in-one faster and have to buy more often. Reducing the amount of shopping in my life (at least for things like soap and shampoo) is the greatest way to keep simple. And several friends have told me my quest to stay simple is successful. They know who they are ..l.,

Black does, when more formal than a torn t-shirt, require a bit of Lint-rollerattention, so with that in mind I picked up some lint rollers. Now, I’d like to claim that I got my cat to coordinate with my new wardrobe. It would sound kind of thorough. Truth is he was black long before this process ever started. He was also a little SOB before this process started. I know what you’re thinking: “Kudos for considering lint rollers for cat hair removal, but black cat hair on black clothing? You’re wasting my time on a blog for this?”

I forgive you.

Oh, my mistake. I should have shown you a close-up photo of my cat. There are a couple features you can’t make out in the photo above. They are more prominent here:


The problem with adding a Satanic Cat to a dollar store lint roller is that I ended up with something like this:


Of course, lint rollers are by their nature sticky. And, inconveniently, white. Also, of course, I was wearing some of my new, dark attire when addressing the newly shredded lint roller.

Suffice to say, it appears my t-shirt has cut itself shaving. Severely. And the other lint roller isn’t doing a thing to help. Nor is the cat. My best solution now might be to cuddle the damned cat until his fur covers the sticky bits of lint roller all over me. Problem solved; black restored.

Anybody want to buy a cat, as-is, no exorcism?

Please; help me see the point of Twitter. Follow me: @shpak60

Published in: on December 13, 2010 at 9:43 am  Comments Off on Rolling Lint  
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