Out From Under

Graph…the covers. Still haven’t ventured into the snow since Sunday. This morning broke sunny though there are some pillowy clouds that the weather boys infer are troublemakers. Bring it on. I have groceries.

The early results are in, and there is ARE some startling data. I am seeking to attach statistics to my recent Wardrobe Rescue. To recap, a previous foray into online dating indicated that I appealed to a demographic approximately ten years older with a decidedly two-wheeled preference for locomotion.

Motorcycles. Not wheelchairs. Sheesh.

After 24 hours, raw data is as follows:

  • Median Age: 48.8
  • HOG Preference: 0%

Admittedly, as criteria for dating, this is somewhat limited, but as you can see, some headway has been made in making me an amorphous platypusian (I had to coin it)(rhymes with “cushion” not… never mind) blob that is more accurately placed both chronologically and visually by interests. The study continues.

Kathryn has requested my presence at the Katalyst Studio, tomorrow, 1 p.m. I have no idea what’s up, unless she needs her sidewalk shoveled. I’ll keep you posted.

@shpak60 on Twitter

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Blizzardian Research

Oh. The weather outside is frightful. Blahblahblah. The city is being dumped on, still, and it’s supposed to continue into tomorrow. From my window, the snow appears to be falling up at about a 15 to 20 degree angle to the south. I’m reasonably sure this is an illusion of some sort. Having spent some time in banishment in Winnipeg, I’m neither overly impressed at the scope of the storm, nor of the reaction of the locals. At best this is a “reasonable flurry” by Manitoba standards.

The ‘research’ of the title is not about the blizzard itself, but rather following a thought that occurred to me as I stared into the snowy evening gloom. I was thinking about the changes to my appearance and how the reactions to same have been predominately from people who know me as an amorphous blob. So, in terms of comparison, sure, easy to see improvement, but does this mean I’m just now a formally dressed platypus, or have I really elevated my Superficial Status in life?

Some time ago I had a rather curious experience when I was part of an online dating site. Initially, I posted photos of myself, as part of my profile and, to generalize, the response demographic I received could be described “60 year old motorcycle mamas”. I exaggerate for the sake of humour. But not much.

Taking another tack, I killed the pics on the profile and presented myself strictly through the written word. That led to some interesting conversations that led up to a point where photos were exchanged and then… nothing. I failed the Beauty portion of the competition.

Ultimately I was driven away from the site by a crazed stalker who would not stay blocked. While it was somewhat flattering to rate my own stalker, it was tiresome after a while and the lack of satisfactory result led me to cancel that membership.

However, this evening I posited that perhaps here was a way to see if real change has been effected, particularly upon the unsuspecting population who have no idea what my “Before” photo looks like. To that end, I created a profile that is me, with photos taken on Man-Over Day.

Now comes the research. I will track incoming response to this new profile based on three criteria:

  1. Median age of responders – While I don’t have hard data from my previous membership, there was definitely an 8 to 12 year seniority on the part of those who made first contact with me.
  2. Percentage of motorcycle fans – I’m even more certain of this tendency of previous admirers. Bikes. It was in pretty much every profile.
  3. Return of Stalker – this will be the acid test. If the stalker turns up again it will show that I am recognizable and still have psychotic appeal, which is something I’d like to move away from. This point might serve as a tie-breaker in the event of mixed results.

Okay, I admit. Not the most precise of research projects. ButPlatypus-transparent looking at the size of flakes pouring down now, I’m going to be inside for a while. And I am open to to your suggestions for further criteria for monitoring. Any ideas?