James Bonding

You know it’s my urge to be remade as James Bond. And K is doing her best to shape me. Turns out I’m not alone. In a rare Sunday blog, I give you:

Like Minded Men

Twitter: @shpak60

Published in: on December 12, 2010 at 11:05 am  Comments Off on James Bonding  
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The 10 Percent Suit

Due to timing (before Christmas) and attitude (Cheap Bastard), one of my requirements for any wardrobe adjustments was that my wallet stay tightly sealed during the process. While Kathryn is not one to pout, I could see that I was spoiling some of her good time. I must admit, I can see the appeal, shopping with someone else’s money provided you like the shopping in the first place.

In fact, having gone through this process now, I am re-thinking the idea of becoming independently wealthy for two reasons:

  1. I want someone to clean my house and make sure there are bits of fresh lemon and fresh lime in the fridge for me at all times (it just FEELS decadent!), and
  2. Hiring Kathryn to do shopping for me, bringing me things that flatter me, look good and keep my time in clothing stores somewhere around my preferred level of nil.

So by Item #2 alone, the process was a success. But let’s look at the additional successes, shall we?

I am something of a creative spirit, though I like to think of myself as grounded (I hear laughing. Shut the hell up!). While I don’t partake myself, I do occasionally hang with crowds who think that interpretive dance is an acceptable way to conduct a conversation. Kathryn did pick up on the fact there are bohemian elements to my life and incorporated this into unifying my body type with an upscaling of my appearance. So prior to the wonderful work Veronica did with landscaping on my skull, I was already looking somewhat different:


Now… without a haircut and a shave (a state that naturally occurs in about a month) I look like a writer rather than (to refresh your memory):

Scott VV2

someone for whom “grievous bodily harm” is a hobby, despite the happy face bandanna, which completely fails to counter the misogyny lurking within. Who would YOU sit next to on a bus?

And now, exhibit B, still in the thrift shop, still prior to being shorn, I submit:


A variation on the scarf and hat photo above, and still worlds away from looking like Randy Bachman’s and Burton Cummings’ Bastard Love Child (with a slight hint of Kurt Winter). If you don’t recognized the names, or the Guess Who, their band, rectify that. Immediately. Plus, I look warm, don’t I?

Finally, the last in our sequence from the Hand Me Down World:


Holy crap! You could take him home to meet the parents. Perhaps even my own. How timely with the holiday season upon us.

Now, this brings us to the coup de grace (d’etat, maybe, in my case?), the point where Kathryn really performed the magic that earned my respect. I offer you the find of the day:


What you are looking at is a Ralph Lauren suit, navy, merino wool, looking all the world as though it was tailored for me. And it was not tailored for me. For those who missed it, it was determined that I share body proportions with a platypus. This suit is tailored for a human platypus. Now, probably some will suspect that with the encroaching years, I may have succumbed to premature senility and bought a suit that I previously donated. Certainly a possibility, except for one thing: When the hell would I go buying any $500 designer suit? I will have to be farther along the road to dementia, driving in the fast lane, for that to have occurred. Secondarily, I don’t recall ever owning a navy suit before. And it is the suit of the title, the 10% suit. No, they did not knock $50 off. THE FRIKKIN SUIT COST $40! The Lauren shirt and Hilfiger tie brought the total to around $55. With no A, B, C, D, E, F, G, or HST.

Kathryn is not magical.

Kathryn is miraculous.

Me? One step closer to being James Bond.