Update Friday

The lethargy of the holidays has created a backlog of Things That Need Doing and new work has jumped on top of that resulting in fewer posts this past week. A couple of updates today to tide you over until either a) I have something relevant to say or more likely b) I spout off irrelevantly in greater detail.

The Impartial Wardrobe Evaluation Project has come to an end, as I have closed down my photo profile on a popular dating site, disappointing thousands of single women, I’m sure, if only they knew. However, I still have the electric blanket on my bed to simulate Other Body warmth, so it remains a research project only. As you may recall, the earlier profile, pre-wardrobe consultation, produced responses from a group whose average age was about 60, a high percentage of whom were interested in and/or owned motorcycles. As I am a decade younger and gave no indication of bikerly tendencies except inadvertently through my photos, this was somewhat shocking.

Conducted under more stringent scientific method, with results audited by the firm of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe, the follow up research produced well in excess of 400 views of my profile, about 100 a week. Of those who responded to the profile the median age dropped startlingly to 46.4 years and not a one mentioned “Harley” anywhere. Officially, Kathryn’s Makeover of Me can be declared a success.

venus-embrace-canada1This blog first came about after a post I made on my other blog, the one about the Venus Embrace razor. To read that one, go here. I have been using the original cartridge on my face since the start of November, an unheard of life for any razor. As I received a 4 pack of replacement cartridges as a gag gift (ha!) for Christmas (more or less) I decided to change to a new blade, though I was still quite happy with results from the original cartridge. There was Very Little Difference, if any at all, from this new cartridge.

AN OPEN LETTER TO GILLETTE, A DIVISION OF P&G:

I may have become your worst nightmare. I have discovered that the Venus Embrace is the ultimate whisker removing tool for men on the planet, and probably in the universe, though I am wary of speaking beyond the scope of my experience.

There is no similarly constructed instrument available and marketed to men. I believe you know this. I believe also that you know that the 4 cartridges I received will last me all of calendar year 2011 and it scares the shit out of you due to losses in sales if it becomes known that this blade configuration is not designed to clog with whiskers on first pass like all other men’s razors.

Like too many greedy corporations you are more concerned with selling at all costs rather than engaging in the more ethically sound practice of giving people a quality product without misleading them or building in planned obsolescence.

There is only one thing to be done: Hire me. $40K annually with benefits will guarantee my silence about the wonders of the Venus Embrace as a Men’s Grooming Device. I may even throw in a little writing for you at that price. But I’m not giving my razor back. Once my inner Goddess got out, she decided she liked it.

And that is all for Friday.

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Published in: on January 7, 2011 at 10:17 am  Comments (7)  
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No Biz Like Show Biz

It’s one of those days that I’m not sure what I want to bore you with. There’s still a bit of Holiday Hangover going on, coupled with a hint of excitement about the World Junior Hockey Championship game tonight, Canada vs. Russia. The sun is out, a winter day that doesn’t require running away (though I am accepting offers if you need a valet and are heading south).

No, me, I have it backwards. I’m aiming at Timmins next week. FR040806Not vacationing, but working, I haven’t totally lost it, despite popular opinion. There’s also a chance to visit with some family and renew old acquaintances. In a past life I was a road musician, a pocket rock god playing what we called the Arctic Circle Tour. Only in Canada can that joke fall flat, because there actually IS an Arctic Circle tour and it’s a thousand miles north of anywhere we were. Scale… man, that’s everything sometimes.

This trip has some unique challenges. First of all, I’m subbing for a country band. I haven’t played much country the last couple years so I have a pretty steep learning curve here, getting tunes together. Cheat sheets are a must, because challenge number two is: no rehearsals. Not only that, I won’t even meet the guitarist until we’re a couple hours into the trip. I’ll hit the stage without sharing a note with this configuration of the band.

Challenge #3 will be existing for the other 20 hours a day, as it always is on the road. Scouting report on the bar we’re playing is that the rooms are typical road accommodations, that is, Pretty Scuzzy. A sleeping bag of known origin will be packed. Which brings Challenge #4: Packing.

20467_1333306139444_1434755936_30927322_3215422_nThe usual foibles of a weekend trip are all in place, what to wear, how to pack it, toiletries etc. but with a couple of unique spins. First of all there may or may not be bathing facilities on the floor of rooms we will occupy. If we’re lucky there will be running water in each room. If we’re REALLY lucky, there will be hot water too. Let’s pack a hat in case Bad Hair Days are the norm.

Further complicating things is the detritus that a band needs, in this case a couple amps, a couple guitar cases, whatever drums we can cram and three of us in an ironically named Honda Fit. Suffice to say this is not the roomiest of the Honda line. At least it’s four wheels and not two. Rumour has it the guitarist has a bigger vehicle which we will switch over to on the way.

Of course the lure of the stage is enough to imbue some optimism, at least on the inward trek. On the homeward side that optimism is gone. The task is over. With soap and hot water willing we won’t smell like the elephant trailer of a departing circus. That reminds me of a joke: Avram had been with the circus for 30 years, faithfully spending his days scooping up elephant shit. Time had passed for any sane person to retire, yet still Avram followed the elephants, day in and out. His family implored him, Avram, why do you retire? Rest. You’ve had a good life, you don’t need to work.

Avram said, “What? And quit Show Biz?”

Red Carpet Bound

All right, back into the swing. I have to say that getting dressed was pretty easy over the holiday season. Not only were things Kathryn advised me on very mix-and-match, I even remembered enough to spot some things that work in the rotation. You might have picked up here and there that I’m a bit skeptical in nature (no! really??) and so suspicious of how long the silk purse will last after the makeover shows release the sow’s ears they’ve transformed. Since I rate pretty much everyone’s shopping abilities above mine, I suppose there is hope for the world, if I can retain anything.

This is kind of an open challenge now, as we move forward (oh, Kathryn, are you listening?). As it happens I am up for a couple of awards and as such I have two awards galas coming up before the end of the month. Early in February, there is an opening night pending also. All three events are theatre related, therefore artsy and offbeat. As it happens I have Lovely Accomplices scheduled for two of these three events, and even an outside chance at a PAIR of Lovely Accomplices for the third event. Call me greedy, eva-green-and-daniel-craigbut Mr. Bond and Mr. Hefner would both approve, I think.

Now, despite the sophistication of these events, I’m likely a long shot to win an award as I am new on the scene, not an established name like my co-nominees, and I am just rather amused by the awards thing anyway, tickled to be involved. However, if I am going to go, Go Big, right? I recall a scene from Casino Royale where Eva Green says to Daniel Craig, “There are dinner jackets and there are Dinner Jackets. This is the latter.”

While I would swoon if Eva Green so much as called me a drop of donkey spittle, not even for her would I go out and buy more clothes. Come ON. I have my limits. However, Going Big requires an entrance (for which I have been tutored in a networking sense) and no longer happy with simply fitting in, I have the urge to make a Grand Statement, if only to improve my chances for next year.

So, the challenge is thus: a) Lovely Accomplices deserve a more streamlined me. What can we accomplish in a month? And b) how can I make three Grand Statements at three separate events within a three week period, where many of the same people will attend each? And no, I have NO BUDGET.

Of all the times to be caught without a tuxedo.

Published in: on January 3, 2011 at 9:20 am  Comments Off on Red Carpet Bound  
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Awwright, Party’s Over

Platypus-transparentWell, for a couple days, or perhaps just a few hours, not sure. The Remade Man ventured out into a showy and peaceful Yule season and emerged unscathed. Odd thing, amongst old acquaintances who have resisted the Media Juggernaut this blog has unleashed, comments about appearance were minimal, You Look Good’s and You’ve Lost Weight’s. Despite the appearance of caps like I’ve never warn before and big scarves draped as instructed, I had not one Holy Shit What Happened To You or even a Wazzup, Did You Lose A Bet? If there was tittered laughter, it was way behind my back, where is usually is.

As much as I want to tell you I am still the cocky and arrogant bastard I always was, there is a congruence now that wasn’t there before. At first it masked as confidence, but then it was apparent these were the same smart assed comments that always issued forth. When not faced with Scruffian Biker, strangers were more receptive to the spirit of the humour. Therefore indulgence in said humour increased and general mirth and merriment more readily ensued as store clerks and passersby had less suspicion they’d be shanked as the punch line to the jokes.

So too have the lessons of the Presence session been applied in scenarios far reaching beyond the scope suggested. I have adapted the Entering a Room advice to situations like Entering a Restaurant and Entering a Liquor Store with similar effect. When in my daily casual attire previously, I believe I would avoid eye contact in general, possibly as a way of de-emphasizing the implicit threat of my visual.

So, at this halfway point of the Holiday Season, I am loathe to say it, but so far so good on the improvements without the changes, as promised. I am Still Me, and it’s easier to be Me.

I hate it when I’m wrong.

Winding DownDownDown

SantaScottIt’s Christmas around the world shortly and bloggers everywhere are shutting the hell up. Okay, at least I am, but this is probably a good thing. If you’re feeling lost and abandoned with the sporadic nature of posts of late, well, while I appreciate the audience, I hope Santa brings you a life for 2011.

Here are the pros and cons of blogging for me as experienced this year, in no particular order:

  • Pro: Blogs impress girls
  • Con: Whether it’s the right kind of girls remains to be seen
  • Pro: I got a fashion overhaul
  • Con: I have nothing to WEAR!
  • Pro: A reason to keep up with current events and media
  • Con: Actually keeping up with current events and media
  • Pro: There is a reason to sit down and write daily
  • Con: I am drinking way more coffee

(Pauses for coffee…)

  • Pro: Media Exposure
  • Con: Stalker Chick
  • Pro: Can describe self as “blogger”
  • Con: New synonym for “loser”
  • Pro: Colleagues in the Blogosphere
  • Con: Colleagues in the Blogosphere
  • Pro: Good excuse to start using Twitter
  • Con: Twitter
  • Pro: Using Photoshop to make clever composite photos
  • Con: Blog – 20 minutes. Clever composite – 3 hours.

The list could go on and on I am sure. That’s the easy part. However, I have presents to wrap and Christmas baking to avoid. Oh, and a clever composite to photoshop. I’ll post in 3 hours…

Published in: on December 22, 2010 at 10:29 am  Comments Off on Winding DownDownDown  
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